Heart Eyes review

What is it about?

A masked killer, known as the "Heart Eyes Killer", attacks and murders couples on Valentine's Day. A simple premise, as most slashers tend to be, with a bit of a twist: it's a slasher smack dab in the middle of a rom com.

I don't want to say much more without giving a spoiler tag, but there is so much more revealed in the trailers anyway. I watched the trailer for Heart Eyes after I had already seen the movie and, I will continue to beat this drum every release,  these trailers are out of control in revealing way too much about the movies they are advertising. You would think movies like Barbarian and Longlegs in recent years may have laid out the blueprint for creating intrigue in an advertising campaign without revealing too much about the movies, but most seem to go the route of laying out the entire movie in the trailer.

Boycott trailers if you want to enjoy the movie the way the directors intend.

What happens?

( *spoilers* )

The opening hook is pretty entertaining, an obnoxious guy is proposing to his girlfriend and berating the photographer to get the shot right. Heart Eyes Killer shows up and makes quick work of the photographer and obnoxious dude before stalking the woman into the winery. She tries hiding in one of the vats that crushes the grapes, but that plan backfires when HEK turns the machine on and gruesomely crushes her.

After the opening credits we meet our main characters, Ally and Jay, who have a meet cute moment in the coffee shop. It's awkward, and eventually Ally takes off after making a bit of a fool of herself. Turns out that Jay has been hired by Ally's boss to make up for a major blunder Ally made at work. This makes her feel threatened by Jay, while Jay still seems to be smitten with Ally. They schedule a dinner that night, Valentine's Day, despite the fact that the Heary Eyes Killer is confirmed to be in their city and is targeting couples.

This rom com story plays out for quite a while before finally HEK shows up at Ally's apartment and attacks them both. A chase ensues throughout the apartment and then throughout the city, with some casualties along the way. Ally barely gets away thanks to the police showing up at just the right time, but unfortunately they arrest Jay thinking he is the HEK.

Now at the police station, while Jay gets interrogated, the HEK shows up again, chasing Ally around the station and killing some cops along the way. Ally helps Jay escape from being chained up in the interrogation room, and they flee the policie station. For some reason they decide the drive in theatres is a good place to run to, and HEK goes nuts killing random people/couples around the drive in.

The final showdown occurs here when Ally and Jay team up to take down HEK and save the day. The police show up and everything seems to go back to finishing this rom com storyline between Ally and Jay. But when Ally runs to the airport to declare her love for Jay, she gets a phone call from the Heart Eyes Killer. They have Jay and want Ally to come to his rescue, which, of course, she obliges.

Now the real final showdown occurs in a church where the killers reveal themselves to Ally and Jay and go through the painful deliberation of explaining the why and the how of everything. The man they killed at the drive in was just a follower of the real Heart Eyes Killer, who is some crazy couple, one happens to be one of the cops that arrested Jay earlier and one is the random IT guy that made an appearance for two minutes.

The final showdown is a decently bloody affair, but the whole villain reveal was underwhelming. Both Jay and Ally manage to take down the psycho couple and live happily ever after.

How was it?

What I expected was a new holiday Horror movie with a potentially new iconic slasher villain. Possibly, something similar to what we get with Thanksgiving in 2023. What we got here though, was a rom com that had a slasher inserted into it.

The two main characters weren't bad, well fleshed out and Ally kicks ass as a "final girl", which is a good feat in iitself. She fights for her life and never backs down, against the killer and against Jay. The rest of the elements of the movie left a lot to be desired though. Some of the kills were decent, in fact, a lot of the action was pretty good. The merry go round chase, specifically, was shot well, and the final kill sequence of Ally v. HEK was great.

My biggest complaint would be that in many moments it felt too much like a rom com and the villain reveal was lackluster. Really, every character aside from Ally and Jay were generic and unremarkable (aside from Ally's boss, played by Michaela Watkins. But she had maybe 5 total minutes of screen time). Ally's best friend had some good moments too, but as a character didn't feel fleshed out enough for me.

It may just be personal preference, but I'd prefer that this remain a one and done slasher movie. I don't see the Heart Eyes Killer becoming an iconic horror villain in the eyes of horror fans. I will admit though, the mask wasn't as silly as I initially thought it would be.

3/5

There is a set up here for multiple sequels though and if it makes enough money at the box office I wouldn't be surprised to see another Heart Eyes movie popping up next Valentine's Day.

Who would like this?

Perfect date night type of slasher. Just in time for Valentine's Day.

What's next?

The next theatrical release we'll be reviewing is The Monkey, directed by Osgood Perkins. Due in theatres February 21.

See you at the movies...